I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
