The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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