At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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