do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
