if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
