Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
