Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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