Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
