please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
