So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
