Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
