In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
