i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
