I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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