i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were trust falling into bushes
I would ride that face into the sunset
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
