i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
