I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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