im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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