I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
