WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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