I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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