I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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