The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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