someone threw a dead crab at me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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