i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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