Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
