ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
