Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
