You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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