Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
