he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
