you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
