Can Purell be used as lube?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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