Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
