im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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