so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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