You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
