I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
