the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
