why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
