I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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