I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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