when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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