he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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