we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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