I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
