D3 body, D1 cock
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
