I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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