My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
