All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize