I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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