At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
