How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
