Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the liver wants what the liver wants
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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