I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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