I wish you could order shots online.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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