nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
