just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
