sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize