Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
