I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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