remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
