So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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