I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
