was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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