I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
