Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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